Post hip replacements, post ALL meds, what feels like and what I was hoping was a ‘cleaner’ way of living. A break for my body from all those horrible drugs. Goodbye side-effects, farewell to blaming every pang of pain, every ache, every weird symptom on either my hips, or the drugs because of my hips.
After years of that, you get used to accepting that things are a certain way. That you are ‘sick’ and that’s all it is. Same old, same old. But it’s then very easy to categorise, pigeon-hole and blame every weird feeling on a certain thing.
As human beings, we like things answered, to know where we stand and when you’re used to living life – even a poorly one – in a particular way, when things change it can still be a learning curve.
For instance, yesterday morning I woke with that ‘heavy legs’ feeling. You know the one, where you feel like you’re dragging yourself, leg by leg, EVERYWHERE. When you get to work and see the lift is out and DREAD that your entire day is going to consist of hauling your backside up and down those stairs (FIX THE LIFT, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!). You curse in frustration when you realise you’ve left something upstairs, and screw it… because it’s staying there unless someone’s life depends on it!
So it was just another day of feeling THAT way. Only it wasn’t… I was ‘fixed’ wasn’t I? I had new hips, my muscles are crap, but they always have been… so what was wrong?
It’s the weather! …that must be it! It’s been raining. The damp, it always affects me. But why am I so tired?? My whole body is tired, even after 10 hours sleep last night. Arrrrrgh! What is wrong?!
Then this evening, after 2 whole days of feeling ‘off’, I finally figured it out…. “cough, cough” . A slight tickle in my throat. I HAVE A BLOODY COLD!!!
After a decade of being numb to everything because of being medicated to the eyeballs, I had forgotten what it felt like to just get a cold. My hips have always been so bad, they have always taken the limelight so to speak… and every drug I’ve ever taken will have blocked those initial symptoms.
It’s crazy, but with these symptoms being so foreign to me, I was starting to worry there was something seriously wrong. So here I sit, Lemsip in hand, thinking, “Huh! Whoever thought I’d be relieved I had a cold…!”